Making Sure Home is Where the Heart is
Another Valentine’s Day has come and gone but for some the romantic energy has not dissipated. In fact that energy may have become greatly charged from receiving a marriage proposal. Many people choose Valentine’s Day to ask…”will you spend the rest of your life with me?”
So what happens after the “YES!” response?
Usually a flurry of party planning and a bit of tunnel vision ensues focusing on that one single day, the wedding. I propose to you, my dear readers that if new nuptials are in your near future to take some time out from the ceremony planning and put some of that positive energy (and money) in getting your house in order.
Creating A Home for Both of You
The house or home that you will be living in with your partner as a married couple for a long life filled with love and contentment requires careful attention and deliberate planning.
In long term relationships it is the little things that become either blissful support or wear and tear that damages beyond repair. Think about the metaphor of the constant drip of water over time will wear out a stone sitting beneath it. I doubt that would be a future anyone would knowingly choose for themselves.
You can stack the cards in your favor for greater compatibility by taking a focused look around your home environment. Can you identify anything that irritates you and/or your partner, affecting either of you to digress into a bad mood?
How to Create a Happy Home
Make a list of each item or issue you find and tackle them one by one. The following is a general starting point I highly recommend.
- Repair Everything that is broken or replace what cannot be repaired. Hire professionals to do the work, don’t DIY (do it yourself), you won’t have a good result and thus not have removed the irritant. Instead you likely created a new different aggravation bound to make for cranky conversations about it.
- Noise: This often manifests from having different work schedules. Set up the environment for noise control. Kitchen and bathroom cabinets and cabinet drawers should be “soft” closing, no banging sounds while your partner is still sleeping. Doors should not squeak and creak either when being opened or closed.
- Consider embracing a “no shoes in the house” rule. It cuts out the “walking around” noise of the early riser or late returner from work. It is also just cleaner, think about what is on the bottom of your shoes, tracking it all over your floors….eeewww!
- Bathroom: If you can afford to have a larger home (or to remodel what you have) it is best to have separate bathrooms. If that is not possible then try to make separate areas such as having a vanity with double sinks or separate vanities with sinks. Sharing the sink and bathroom forever after gets old before you do. Another thing to do if you have the space is to compartmentalize the toilet. Marriage is for the long haul, romance is like a garden, it needs constant care so set yourself up for success by insuring personal privacy. Otherwise you run the risk of the relationship degrading into a sibling dynamic rather than maintaining being lovers.
- Sleep: Old mattress feeling a bit like a trampoline when your partner tosses & turns? Movement transfer is the problem. Lack of sleep and knowing it is because your partner may be a restless sleeper can lead to unnecessary bickering about it. Simply nip the issue in the bud and replace it with a non-movement transfer mattress.
- Bedroom: In general, I recommend no TV, no laptops, no phones. The bedroom is for relaxing into sleep and of course other more energetic activities. This space should nurture your physical and emotional health by having no distractions from rest or disturbing electronic positive-ion residue.
- Delegate space: A well-organized home ought to have both communal space and private space. Set parameters together of who has which area as private and which is communal then respect your choices in absolute terms. Commit to doing your very best to adhere to the communal space rules (cleanliness, organization, noise volume etc.) as agreed upon. You don’t live alone anymore so you will have to give in a little and make the common areas work for both people.
Compromise = Welcome to Marriage
Forget Marie Kondo, you don’t have to throw everything away. That concert T-shirt collection can be “curated” and framed for display on a large wall that you did not know what to do with…until now. Whatever your partner collects is part of the package of who they are and now you will have to live peaceably with it all.
Consult a designer for how to best contain and display with reverence whatever weird quirky thing that your partner just cannot give up. This is a very loving thing to do and remember, you each have your private space as well. Keep in mind, this article is not about hoarders; that is a serious issue requiring professional therapeutic help.
If you need design help or would like to learn more, give me a call at 415-722-9124. You can also email me using the contact form by clicking here.